The last time someone was proud of me, well honestly can’t say. Not that I keep doing great things and losing track of people taking pride in what I do. As far as I’m concerned, (I feel) never have done anything worthwhile. Probably in school. But quite many of them till date, many feel more of obligatory, and I don’t believe in false pride. Or if such a thing did happen, I don’t remember it, just momentary happiness yet and need to keep moving on.
Somethings I know I should do . . . but don’t.
I’m supposed to do study and do something worthwhile with my career and life, buy so far not doing so.
I have to start taking care of my health and body, eat only good food and exercise.. a lot.
I need to have some direction in my life. But here I’m just wandering nowhere. I can’t say I’m lost when I don’t know where I’m heading right?
P.S. This is my 100th post on this blog, in less than a month and a half! Quite ironic it turned out to be on things which I’m supposed to be doing/done but haven’t. So time to start I guess?
The hardest decision of my life is to continue to live on this planet. Sorry if that sounded a bit (or a lot) cheesy, but that’s the truth. It’s not fate we are suffering existing living, it’s our choice. There were many instances in life where I had to make a difficult decision, even when it was simple. We always have a choice, even if all the remaining options are bad ones. This is the only thing which comes to my mind when I think of the hardest decision I had to make. Well not counting those in RPGs like The Witcher games of course.
Some of the most surreal experiences I’ve had were during my trips to the north east of the country, near the mighty Himalayas. I always wanted to travel around the world, and especially the Himalayas and the beautiful mountains. I have seen a part of the mighty mountain range, and like in the movie The Bucket List I want to see something magnificent before I die. I actually started blogging after my last camp n 2007, which you can see in the early archives of my other blog.
In recent times, another close to surreal experience when I saw one of my most favourite band Poets of the Fall live for the first time! You can read a detailed account of my experience here.
And (as I already said) extended to everyone else. Only a matter of realizing and acting on it.
“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with”. If this is true, which five people would you like to spend your time with?
So I should say I’m the average of 5 times me, which makes myself me. I know that didn’t make sense, but it’s the true story. I spend most time with myself and the next closest be it family or friends dosen’t even come close.
Unless you consider my laptop and bed people that is, in which case I’m a crazy lazy fucking cyberpunk, which I’m sort of.
This must be one of the most relevant documentaries of our times, telling the tale of one of the world’s most famous sites The Pirate Bay. While I personally don’t fully condone piracy, this is a tale of our internet culture and in a way, freedom of expression.
You can watch it fully in HD below on Youtube, or download it from torrents in 480p, 720p and 1080p formats. Yeah this time it IS legal so don’t shy away 😀
Visit the TPB AFK site and support it by buying it if you can. I know quite ironic to buy something which is the pioneer of piracy.
Spread and share the film online and offline. This is the documentary of our times.
There is no real life, just AFK.
A question about childhood. Well sadly mine is not a great one, nor a poor/pathetic turned awesome one (yet) either.
Me about 6 months old with my late paternal grandparents
I was a loner throughout my life, and mostly still am, not that I’m happy or sad about it, that’s the way I always was. I was a very big fuck up while growing up, my insides as well as outsides were both screwed up. I was the don’t-be-with-or-play type of kid, and usually spent my time wandering somewhere on my own, or most other time watching TV, reading comics and doing some crap. Well since both my parents were are working, I spent most time with myself, not counting the young annoying sister before she grew up and my late grandmother before she was… well, dead.
And before you begin to wonder what about school, ya my school was awesome, it was a boys’ school with a girls’ school some 10 minutes away and while most guys went around hitch hiking for scoring with a girl, well those who didn’t already, and I was on my own trying to figure out humanity itself in a way.
The thing is, which prevalent even now, I never felt lonely when I was alone and on the contrary I felt always mostly out of place whenever with a crowd. Solitude was my bliss, well most of the times. More on that in a previous post called My (not so) favourite person.
My childhood was kind of ugly. I lived in way without the comfort of family or luxury of friends. Let me clarify with what I meant. With family, I was nor am close to anyone in particular. Sure I come from an average family who is fortunate enough not to be on the roads or afford anything like over 70% of the world, and be constantly always be reminded of that regardless of my problems, while also look at people ahead in the race of life and not achieving anything or being a mole in the family, which again was always be reminded. Heck can’t I just be who I am and accepted the way I am? Typical (add – South) Indian family. Well I must admit, much better off in lot of regards, but plain pathetic in others. And while always being reminded, mock, insulted of my screw ups which more than half were total unnecessary, my family bonds aren’t that great at all. Just another obligatory situation. And in the other end, when I meant don’t have the luxury of friends, sure I know thousands of people from various walks of life, but that is mostly on a pure greeting and working together basis. I help, I receive help, spend some time together and that’s it, I disappear. As I already mentioned, because of my way of growing up I was the king-lone-wolf and I must have made a proper friend for the first time when I was 13 or 14 years old. Not that I’m a social person, let alone a social climber, I guess this suits me the best.
And coming back to my insides and outsides being screwed up, the reckless person I always was, the award for the maximum no. of accidents goes to my head. I have broken my head countless times, braces, surgeries in my mouth because of various mouth issues and 2 broken jaws, the list is drastic. Sometimes I think I’m insane because of this, then I realize I’m one regardless. I had a brain attack when I was 4, and got eye surgery at the same age, an asthma patient for some years in school, less than average health, well yeah I was pretty fucked up. Physically, emotionally, and even intellectually and mentally.
Sometimes I do wish I could change my past, but then didn’t think of it much as one of the many lessons I learned and always applied was moving on and not give a shit. While I’m not complaining, I’m one of those persons who will say who doesn’t miss his childhood (or teenage as a matter of fact, well all and the same).
So I juts keep calm and do what I got to do. Or figuring that out anyways. And this recent article I read sure does nail it, 6 harsh truths which that will make you a better person. Caution: Not for everyone, just for screws ups and sort of screw ups.
Sorry for the depressing, sad wall of text, as I already warned, not a great story. No one cares for ugly stories of ugly kids unless for some PR. Instead here is picture of a cute baby elephant as a thanks for reading bearing:
If I were to think of three important years in my life — not including the year I was born, well quite honestly I must say there is not one which I can pin point to be very important, let alone three. I might go on and say many years, but the reasons for them would only include things which happened in the world, like a new book or movie and not exactly fully pertaining to my personal life, even though if they played a big role in it.
Instead here I asked my mother this question to which she replied:
-1982. She got her first job. She was 20 and despite her poor family problems and upbringing, she has Masters of Commerce, Certified Associate of Indian Institute of Banking, works in a bank and being a 51 year old woman today going to get her third degree in Human Rights. Despite being a working woman both in office and home, she studies now because she gets bored, and goes bonkers because of me, and wants to ‘inspire her son’ to do something useful 😛
So far I’m 21 and still useless. Way to go mother.
-1990. She got married to my pop. I still ask her how did she marry him. Well she was the papa’s girl so. That worked out well, I guess. At least I’m not on the roads so…
-1992. Apocalypse. I was born. Nothing more to say. 😛
On asking my father the same question, he replied with only one:
-1995. He managed to put me in school. Was a big relief for him back then. Not so much now, thanks to my brilliant performance in college and in general. Ah well, life isn’t over yet right?
So which years are important to you?
Reincarnation: do you believe in it?
No.
Being born in a Hindu family, worse, a Brahmin Iyer one and to top them all being in India, where all such concepts feel at home. Reincarnation being a very religious and philosophical subject has lots of takes on it with various interpretations. They say your soul never dies and takes on a new life, it depends on your actions and how you live your life.
Now if they were any true, I surely would have been a mosquito in my former life, for now I’m usually in deep shit…
While I respect everyone’s opinions and beliefs, so as long as they have the same outlook and no one enforces one’s on another. While I like to believe in karma and destiny, practically I feel you are accountable to no one but yourself. And often it becomes very annoying or very hilarious. If there is any truth to it I’d like to be an eagle and fly everywhere without headache, for right now I’m sort of already in the plain of oblivion.
The Nameless One 