The One

On the surface everything appeared nice and calm, while the storm brewing within only the head knew. Relentless intrigue or plain nervousness, none knew.
She was radiant with beauty, and that was the least interesting thing about her. Over fifty-hundred thoughts bashing the head, her one smile stole them all.

Writerly Reflections

Which books did you love growing up? Which poems?
I grew up mainly reading comic books, the first being Batman, my all time favourite fictional character. Oh did you know he turned 75 today?

Do you remember your first original composition? What was it? How did you feel while writing it?
I can’t pin-point to what, just it was a drawing or painting since I did that a lot back in the day. However this is one piece which I’m very proud of, which I wrote when I was in school in 2004.

Did you secret your writing away or share it with family and friends?
I basically wrote for myself whenever I did. Still do. Alas not many are interested in it though. 😛

What sort of writing do you enjoy doing best? Fiction? Nonfiction? Creative Nonfiction? Poetry? Memoir? Other?
I enjoy creative writing. Mostly non-fiction for now. And whenever I have an epiphany (which I usually do) and aphorisms now and then.

What are your writerly aspirations? Do you write for yourself, or to become published?
For now just for myself, and have no desires to be published as an author as such. However I would love to travel around the world and document my travels/adventures someday, which is actually my long term aim. Now only the universe knows how I’m going to get there.

Why do you write?
Because I feel free.

What keeps you writing?
I just do, not much of an explanation I have I’m afraid.

Do you have a daily writing practice? Tell us about it.
For now I only follow The Daily Post and it’s writing prompts such as this one. While still have a long way to go, I’m happy to somehow keep myself alive everyday, and keep improving. 🙂

Oh, the joy of writing!

 

Power of Names

Although having a cool name is, well, cool, I’ve always been the what’s in a name? kind of person, maybe because thanks to my parents, specifically my father for my short and sweet one.

There is a short story behind my real name though (yes, contrary to what you might believe I have one as well 😛 ). Essentially, my first name Aditya in Sanskrit translates to the Sun God in Hindu mythology. (there’s a wiki entry too if you’re so interested) It’s a fairly uncommon name here in India, you probably might find a one named in every third group or so. (I totally made that up) Though I’m mostly known by my surname (or last name if you reader are American) Iyer is much cooler though, and I’m more known by that or just, nameless. 😉

But that’s not why my father named me that. When I finally popped out over two decades ago, my pops was reading a magazine on one of India’s biggest and most prominent industrialist of the same name, so perhaps he kinda expected his first born would do something of the same sort (not so sorry to disappoint so far pop!). And no, I’m totally not commenting on is sudden unexpected death just a few years later. Names are powerful aye?

Golden Years

The Golden Years is less of a definitive period and more variant for an individual as opposed to others (like the golden age of comic books or television)

By definition, Golden Age refers to a mythological period of primeval human existence perceived as an ideal state when human beings were pure and free from suffering.

But as already said, when you take into account life of an individual and not something collective, it’s different for everybody. Usually the golden years for a person can be regarded at their initial ages, a baby or young child being loved and pampered by everyone around. But those born with a disease, thrown away as unwanted, or worse born into some captivity like slavery shows a different picture. For many school/college life is the most cherished, but not for many going through perpetual struggles which range from bullying to monetary. All well to do and happy? Time for some real retrospection.

All this is not even dramatic, it happens everyday all around the world, even right now. The more you know, the more you realize how much things are really fucked up. But hey, happiness is not an unachievable goal. It’s always unknown when will one be free from suffering, even for a bit, but that’s not what the aim should really be. It’s should be for finding oneself and true happiness. Golden years don’t just come, they have to be made, just like from the ore.

 

We’ve all been raised by evil love stories

Another gem of a post thanks to Oliver Emberton, thought provoking for the date today as you can see. Couldn’t have put it better. 🙂

A lifetime of bad lessons can mess you up. Let’s look at every love story ever told:

Boy meets girl

Boy meets girl. Their eyes touch and for a heartbeat the world stops turning. But it cannot be because there’s another guy:

Big muscles

Or perhaps another girl:

Skinny

Or maybe just crappy ol’ circumstances:

Fate

This doesn’t stop our hero/heroine. Through their undying faith in destiny they battle to win the heart of Their One True Love.

Montage 1

And they succeed!

Win 1

Only to screw it all up for dramatic reasons.

Loss 1

And in one final act of soul-aching humility (that always seems to involve chasing a train or plane) our star-crossed lovers come to realise they’re perfect for each other.

Chase

And they live happily ever after. The End.

Win 2

Unfortunately, this is all total wish fulfilment bullcrap. Worse, it’s poisonous to real relationships. Let me show you why.


Lie #1: Wanting someone means you should be together

In our stories, our hero knows they’ve found the one, and they’ll do anything to win them over.

Want so bad

We all make this mistake. We want someone so much. Surely, that means we have to be together? Right?

In reality, few people find each other equally attractive. In fact, this almost never, ever happens. Pick two people at random, and if one of them does fancy the other, chances are the other one doesn’t feel the same way.

Mismatched

What makes a relationship isn’t just the strength of your feelings, but of your partner’s too. That combination is hard to find. But when we’re smitten, or heartbroken, it can be hard to notice how blind we are.

In our stories, our hero clings to their strength of feeling, no-matter what the obstacles. Their feelings give them the power to win over the target of their affections, even if they are rebuffed again and again. In real life, a person who does that is kind-of a crazed stalker who really needs to let go.

Lie #2: Sincerity wins hearts

In our love stories, our heroes win by breaking down and confessing their feelings.

Tear stained

Now you might yearn for a world where we can all just be honest with each other, but that’s not this world. People are wired to take someone else’s desperation as proof of lower value. When someone comes on too strong, we instinctively want to run away.

And if someone is too direct with their feelings, we think they’re a callous asshole:

Too literal

This is why we have flirting.

Flirting is how we advertise and measure interest in another person, without lowering our perceived value. The whole essence of flirting is we tease deniable hints that we like someone. A flick of the hair, a brag, a light touch on the arm. It’s a game of tit-for-tat, where both sides are trying to evaluate a prospective partner, and find out if the other person likes them as much as they do without coming over too strong.

People who skip this stage, or who don’t get it, are usually rebuffed and don’t know why. The truth is, attraction is a game, and you have to play by the rules.

Lie #3: ‘The One’

The one

The concept of The One is ridiculous. Most people could think of three celebrities who they’d marry on sight. Are they all your Ones?

What we do look for is the best person we can find, the one who compliments and completes us, and one who feels the same way about us. In a world of 7 billion people, there’s probably quite a few of those, but that doesn’t mean they’re easy to find (see Lie #1, above).

In fact, our standards are 90% dictated by our options. So if you live on a desert island, you’ll find your ‘One’ right there. Where you live, they might be your neighbour or your co-worker. What are the odds?

The One is an evil myth to spread because (a) it’s not true (b) you’re unreasonably expecting your partner to be literally the best person for you on Earth and (c) if you ever break up with such a person you would feel justified in ending your life right now, because you just lost your one shot at happiness. Which you haven’t.

The true formula to dating success

Well that was depressing. Don’t you wish dating actually made sense? Like, if only there was some kind of magic formula to finding your special someone? Well, there is.

Formula 2

Let’s break it down.

Jellybeans

Imagine you filled a jar with 500 blue jellybeans, and then 500 pink jellybeans:

Jellybeans 1

That’s like most social circles. Not a lot of blue and pink beans are going to get together. You’re one of them, and you need to mix it up.

Jellybeans 2

The amount of mixing with potential partners you do in your life is a multiplier for your dating success.

Notice I said multiplier. You’ve got a great product (that’s you!) – but you need to get in front of buyers to sell it. Even if you’re super fit, smart, funny, successful supermodel who’s just won a Nobel Prize, that doesn’t do you a lot of good if you live alone in the woods.

Meeting the same people won’t expand your pool. Getting drunk won’t expand your pool. Try a new hobby. Join a club. Travel the world. Move to a new city. Sign up for speed and online dating. These things are literally multipliers for the number of people you meet, and therefore for your success. Not all of them will work, but that’s not a reason not to try.

Awesome

Some people are just more attractive than others. And you might think there is little you can do about that, but there is.

A life that's awesome

Here’s a test: what’s going on in your life right now? What are you looking forward to in the near future?

Are you travelling somewhere interesting? Learning to scuba dive? Writing a book? Dancing in front of a crowd? How about giving blood, starting a business, helping homeless people, making a billion dollars or juggling knives?

When your overall life is awesome, your attraction rises. Your confidence, and understanding, and imagination and humility and empathy and a million other skills all increase. You become more interesting. You become more unique. And you will almost certainly be happier, even when you don’t have a partner.

A surprisingly large number of people find their spouses in what might seem like the least likely place imaginable, they found other awesome people who were doing the same. They mixed up their jellybeans and made their life awesome all in one.


Paradoxically, one of the best things to do to improve your dating success is not focus on dating. Live awesome first. And don’t be afraid to mix up your jellybeans.

End

Just whatever you do, don’t buy into more stupid love stories.

Is every picture really worth a 1000 words?

Really?

And what about the converse? Are a thousand pictures worth a word?

Every picture is a story of it’s own, but is it always the case? One may say even that shabby crap of a picture taken from a cheap cell phone or a good camera has something to say, even if it means you shouldn’t try to hard or not meant to take it. (sorry)

On the contrary, how many pictures can really replace the power of a word? Thinking about this is make me go nuts now.

What do you think?