A question about childhood. Well sadly mine is not a great one, nor a poor/pathetic turned awesome one (yet) either.
Me about 6 months old with my late paternal grandparents
I was a loner throughout my life, and mostly still am, not that I’m happy or sad about it, that’s the way I always was. I was a very big fuck up while growing up, my insides as well as outsides were both screwed up. I was the don’t-be-with-or-play type of kid, and usually spent my time wandering somewhere on my own, or most other time watching TV, reading comics and doing some crap. Well since both my parents were are working, I spent most time with myself, not counting the young annoying sister before she grew up and my late grandmother before she was… well, dead.
And before you begin to wonder what about school, ya my school was awesome, it was a boys’ school with a girls’ school some 10 minutes away and while most guys went around hitch hiking for scoring with a girl, well those who didn’t already, and I was on my own trying to figure out humanity itself in a way.
The thing is, which prevalent even now, I never felt lonely when I was alone and on the contrary I felt always mostly out of place whenever with a crowd. Solitude was my bliss, well most of the times. More on that in a previous post called My (not so) favourite person.
My childhood was kind of ugly. I lived in way without the comfort of family or luxury of friends. Let me clarify with what I meant. With family, I was nor am close to anyone in particular. Sure I come from an average family who is fortunate enough not to be on the roads or afford anything like over 70% of the world, and be constantly always be reminded of that regardless of my problems, while also look at people ahead in the race of life and not achieving anything or being a mole in the family, which again was always be reminded. Heck can’t I just be who I am and accepted the way I am? Typical (add – South) Indian family. Well I must admit, much better off in lot of regards, but plain pathetic in others. And while always being reminded, mock, insulted of my screw ups which more than half were total unnecessary, my family bonds aren’t that great at all. Just another obligatory situation. And in the other end, when I meant don’t have the luxury of friends, sure I know thousands of people from various walks of life, but that is mostly on a pure greeting and working together basis. I help, I receive help, spend some time together and that’s it, I disappear. As I already mentioned, because of my way of growing up I was the king-lone-wolf and I must have made a proper friend for the first time when I was 13 or 14 years old. Not that I’m a social person, let alone a social climber, I guess this suits me the best.
And coming back to my insides and outsides being screwed up, the reckless person I always was, the award for the maximum no. of accidents goes to my head. I have broken my head countless times, braces, surgeries in my mouth because of various mouth issues and 2 broken jaws, the list is drastic. Sometimes I think I’m insane because of this, then I realize I’m one regardless. I had a brain attack when I was 4, and got eye surgery at the same age, an asthma patient for some years in school, less than average health, well yeah I was pretty fucked up. Physically, emotionally, and even intellectually and mentally.
Sometimes I do wish I could change my past, but then didn’t think of it much as one of the many lessons I learned and always applied was moving on and not give a shit. While I’m not complaining, I’m one of those persons who will say who doesn’t miss his childhood (or teenage as a matter of fact, well all and the same).
So I juts keep calm and do what I got to do. Or figuring that out anyways. And this recent article I read sure does nail it, 6 harsh truths which that will make you a better person. Caution: Not for everyone, just for screws ups and sort of screw ups.
Sorry for the depressing, sad wall of text, as I already warned, not a great story. No one cares for ugly stories of ugly kids unless for some PR. Instead here is picture of a cute baby elephant as a thanks for reading bearing:
Here you can see a oval stone painted by yours truly which is almost 15 years old! I loved collecting all sorts of stones back in the day, I might even have them lying around hopefully. Beside it is a ghost I made which is also very old similar to the stone. Just a ball wrapped around and sealed with a handkerchief and and sparkles for the face. I actually had names for these two, which I sadly don’t remember but I’m sure I must have written it somewhere, as I was always a loner and tend to write and keep to myself most of the time.
The Nameless One 