The hardest decision

The hardest decision of my life is to continue to live on this planet. Sorry if that sounded a bit (or a lot) cheesy, but that’s the truth. It’s not fate we are suffering existing living, it’s our choice. There were many instances in life where I had to make a difficult decision, even when it was simple. We always have a choice, even if all the remaining options are bad ones. This is the only thing which comes to my mind when I think of the hardest decision I had to make. Well not counting those in RPGs like The Witcher games of course.

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Choose your own path

It was a hard choice, and had to be made quick. The ally was freed, and comrades old and new were on the ship, ready to sail. The soldiers and mercenaries under the command of the corrupt official were almost dealt with.

Blood split everywhere.

For a higher cause.

There was no reason to wait, as the objective was met. Or was it? The warrior stood on the ship, seeing what unfolded quickly before him. The corrupt official managed to endure the surprised, well planned attack. Before him across the bridge he emerged from the tower with some captive woman he held. Cursed and abused he did. Set the watch tower on fire with the woman held hostage he did. And fled the scene, not before threatening to return and seek vengeance and continue his misfortune.

If a decision had to be made, it had to be quick. Should he chase down and finish him once and for all, for he might be true to his word, and return to plague the town, village and forest as he did up till this point? Or save the lives of the innocent woman, held as whores for his need, and left as hostage to be burned felicitating his escape? Could he hope to do it, hoping his comrades on land finish him off? Were the woman innocent and deserving to be saved? Or chase down the scoundrel and deal with him once and for all, helping thousands, but going against what he always stood for, saving a life? He had to choose – after jumping off the ship, go after the scoundrel, as he was was already far off by then, or proceed to save the woman. Not a moment more he could spare if he has to accomplish either one of them.

What was the question? Was it the greater good? Or lesser evil?

Or why indulge in it at all? For his work was done, he can just simply sail away, for he had a greater mission at hand, which could not wait further, leaving the fate of the woman, the scoundrel, and rest of the people to their own fate.

But the choice was clear. Within the blink of an eye…


Helplessness: that dull, sick feeling of not being the one at the reins. When did I last feel like that? I must have lost count of such incidents which have occurred with me in my life. And what did I do whenever this happened? All of them had this in common- feeling crap about myself and the situation, say ‘fuck it’ and move on. What else could be done?

Several times during my growing up, from being the ‘be careful with that kid’ to the screw up currently (sort of) several moments I have faced a moment which I felt completely helpless. One of them which I can re-collect now is a (one of the several) terrible accidents which happened with me is in 2009 where I managed to get my jaw broken and hanging, traveling with the hanging jaw about 890 km from Kota (where I was studying that time for 2 years) to Mumbai, have a 3 hour surgery and for the next 2 months ranging from early January till March, (which also consumed some of my good friends’ birthdays and my own in February) during which I couldn’t/didn’t eat a single morsel. My appetite after that was totally ruined and I actually lived the plea of so many humans in our planet who live without food. I lived only on soups, juices and milkshakes and was really miserable. So much for my love for ‘liquids’.

As I said this was just one incident which dawned onto me now since it happened around the same time 4 years ago. Well nothing life changing happened, except for the fact that I have just 30 teeth now instead of the regular 32, my ‘wisdom’ teeth being pulled off (which are actually the useless/not required in out mouths and stupid myth of its namesake) and learning quite bit about dentistry. I’m quite normal now (speaking in this context purely) and eat/drink equivalent of 2-3 people as I always did. 😀

What did I do? Just moved on, as I said above. That was not the first or last time some shit happened with me, that is life after all, there will come moments/situations in which we will feel like a complete idiot and helpless, but it is our ability to choose how we react to these which makes all the difference. We always have a choice, that is what makes us different from the rest of the animals in the planet, that which makes us human. This must have been told by hundreds of people over who-knows-what-times, but just don’t listen, act, as do I.