“Suicide is the coward’s way out.”
“No one has a right to take away their own life.”
“It’s nature’s/god’s/your parent’s gift of life to you, and committing such a thing is a sin.”
“Suicide is not the solution.”
Ever heard one of these before? You might be surprised how many might have.
Fair disclaimer, I do not encourage nor condone suicides, but it’s something that I’m not against. Having said that, here’s a breakdown of how suicides are perceived, and focusing on the root of the problem, which is moving past the stigma set by society.
The comment that appalls me most after people have learnt of someone’s suicide is “How could he/she do that to us?” First of all, every person’s mind and heart are full of secrets, so any judgement should be withheld unless that person discloses his motives. Second, nobody has an obligation to live. As nobody asked us if we wanted to be born, we don’t even have an obligation towards our parents, let alone friends, colleagues or society. I would argue that such a responsibility in the strictest sense however does not even exist towards a partner; because surely any relationship can be terminated by leaving and what else is suicide than a very unambiguous goodbye?
A suicide is far too easily associated with failure, interpreted as an act of giving up. But many different reasons can be fathomed: A sense of having had a rich life with experiences that cannot be topped, curiosity about the act and a possible afterlife (something which should endear suicide to religious people especially), an exaggerated sense for adventure, or even to make a certain point.
Speaking of failure, an extension of this is loneliness and depression. People often cite depression and loneliness as another big reason for it. As I wrote about this previously, being alone and lonely are not the same thing, and that the cause of depression eventually leading to suicide is often a misconception again.
But my main question is this: How can anybody associate suicide with failure unless he/she can explain what the meaning of life is? As long as there is no convincing argument about the meaning of life, leaving this life is not worse of an option than staying.
A suicide also looks much less negative or frightening when we keep in mind that we are all going to die. No exception. Some of us will die in sleep and we don’t even know if that is as peaceful as it is usually denoted, but others of us will have a terrible disease or will be hit by a truck and bleed to death, while others might drown or step on a landmine, burn in a fire or starve.
Please excuse the drama, but are you beginning to see that choosing one’s time, place and manner of death might be quite a sensible wish after all?
And if the social stigma of suicide was somehow removed or at least reduced, it could be done in an even more peaceful and controlled manner because then people might not feel the need to resort to jumping in front of a train or blowing up their kitchen.
This leads us to the legal status of suicide because the whole affair would be much cleaner and less disruptive if it was legal to assist people in implementing their wish to end their life at their own choosing. I find it especially unfair and unethical that sick people are in many countries not allowed to use any assistance of this kind, while a healthy person can just grab a gun and shoot himself. This puts the old and frail and sick person (whom the law purports to protect) at a significant disadvantage versus a young and healthy person.
It should also be kept in mind that a suicide is the one decision in life that you can be certain you won’t regret it after. This can not be said about many things in life.
When I hear of somebody’s suicide, my first reaction usually is one of admiration. To admire their courage (because logical as it may be, it’s not easy) and the determination to make the ultimate decision in life oneself. From the movie Cloud Atlas:
Α truе ѕuісіdе іѕ а расеd, dіѕсірlіnеd сеrtаіnty. Ρеорlе роntіfісаtе “ѕuісіdе іѕ аn соwаrd’ѕ асt”. Соuldn’t bе furthеr frоm thе truth. Ѕuісіdе tаkеѕ trеmеndоuѕ соurаgе.
It might be the only decision that person might have made taking control of his/her own life in their own hands, even if it’s the last/only one ever done. We are arguing for so many personal freedoms; why should we exclude this ultimate freedom, the exercise of which harms no one else’s rights?
Instead of asking why would we want to prevent suicide?, it should rather be how can we help someone from not considering it, that would for a change, in fact reap results.
Images from The Book of Bunny Suicides: Little Fluffy Rabbits Who Just Don’t Want to Live Any More (2003) by Andy Riley.
You and this post remind so much of my best friend. He’s suicidal and a number of his posts are about it–even the stuff that he watches or reads are about them. For a heavy topic, he can make them sound comical and lighthearted.
He’s an open supporter of it. Not to give actual assistance but, if any one asked him, he’d give real working tips. Even ones that he tried.
It is a delicate matter, one needs to have their head clear. As implied I’m also an open supporter and had my ‘phase’ of it before.
Yeah. He can’t stress that enough. Guess that’s why he hates me, specially now since he’s in one again. And whenever he is, he pushes me away.
How did you get over it?
As I mentioned in the post, suicide is not a solution in many cases, you just need to clear your head. My head spins even now at time, but the first step is to calm down and think. Not thinking leads to most of the problems.
Iyer, I honestly liked your article. I agree with your perspective and view points. Somehow society views life as a battle of some sort and those who commit suicide are the ones who have lost the will to go on fighting. I disagree.
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Reblogged this on The Nameless One and commented:
Since today 10th September is considered as World Suicide Prevention Day (2013), I’d like to share this earlier post giving different outlooks and reasoning on why the real problem is beyond than that.
Well written article Adi.
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Fantastic article. I could go on and on about why I think this, adding all my own reasons for believing that “right to life” is nothing without “right to death”… but instead I’ll just post this on Facebook and see how many people have knee-jerk reactions instead of measured intellectual responses.
Thank you so much for this. People give shit and assume shit about suicide. I want to tell my petité story and don’t say the prototypical comments about you can get help and so on… my father killed himself when I was a teenager, didn’t really affect me since we’re never close but I never had actual friends or anything, broken family and so on… I don’t blame my family, heck I was more lucky that in some places (not for me, I actually believe that I would have had a more happy life in africa with friend and a family and starve to death or with a life expectancy that low) I’m not trying to say anything, actually I do, euthanasia and even further on should be legal. And of course if the person is in his right mind and so on and personally, one of the things that I though it was I want to donate my organs, so what’s the issue? the stigma? people actually want to commit suicide and (most/don’t really know the statistics) they fail and it has atrocious consequences for that. The thing in the mainstream they censor these types of post talking about this so, what’s the solution?