Helplessness: that dull, sick feeling of not being the one at the reins. When did I last feel like that? I must have lost count of such incidents which have occurred with me in my life. And what did I do whenever this happened? All of them had this in common- feeling crap about myself and the situation, say ‘fuck it’ and move on. What else could be done?
Several times during my growing up, from being the ‘be careful with that kid’ to the screw up currently (sort of) several moments I have faced a moment which I felt completely helpless. One of them which I can re-collect now is a (one of the several) terrible accidents which happened with me is in 2009 where I managed to get my jaw broken and hanging, traveling with the hanging jaw about 890 km from Kota (where I was studying that time for 2 years) to Mumbai, have a 3 hour surgery and for the next 2 months ranging from early January till March, (which also consumed some of my good friends’ birthdays and my own in February) during which I couldn’t/didn’t eat a single morsel. My appetite after that was totally ruined and I actually lived the plea of so many humans in our planet who live without food. I lived only on soups, juices and milkshakes and was really miserable. So much for my love for ‘liquids’.
As I said this was just one incident which dawned onto me now since it happened around the same time 4 years ago. Well nothing life changing happened, except for the fact that I have just 30 teeth now instead of the regular 32, my ‘wisdom’ teeth being pulled off (which are actually the useless/not required in out mouths and stupid myth of its namesake) and learning quite bit about dentistry. I’m quite normal now (speaking in this context purely) and eat/drink equivalent of 2-3 people as I always did.
What did I do? Just moved on, as I said above. That was not the first or last time some shit happened with me, that is life after all, there will come moments/situations in which we will feel like a complete idiot and helpless, but it is our ability to choose how we react to these which makes all the difference. We always have a choice, that is what makes us different from the rest of the animals in the planet, that which makes us human. This must have been told by hundreds of people over who-knows-what-times, but just don’t listen, act, as do I.